When All Hell's Breakin' Loose, You'll Be Riding The Eye Of The Storm

Hey, guys. Brendan Kelly fucked the world over again today, but luckily I did a little bit more preparation today, and will have a story for all of you. But first I have to do my funny intro thing. So my friend AJ told me that my blog color scheme is a little hard to read. I guess it is a little dark, but I always thought that gave my readers a cool, soothing feeling as they read my witty tales. So to say the least, I was horribly offended when AJ criticized my choice of coloring for the blog. Who is he to tell me that my color scheme is hard to read?! Maybe you just have stupid eyes, AJ! Ever think of that? In fact, you do have stupid eyes! Remember that time you were sparring with someone, and something happened, and then you burst a blood vessel in your eye, and then your eye looked really bloody? Yeah! Stupid eyes! My color scheme is like a cool mint blast, you asshole! Although, I guess I'm just having this little outburst to myself since nobody can read this, apparently! How dare you, AJ! How dare you! Moving on.

Over the summer, my friend Anthony had a birthday. And all Anthony ever wanted to do for his 23rd birthday was to record music for a fake hardcore band with songs based around Transformers: The Movie. Now, keep in mind this is not Michael Bay's Transformer movies, this is Transformers: The Movie. The 1986 animated deal. It's much, much better than Bay's two and a half hours of explosions, robot testicles, and racist stereotypes. So on Anthony's birthday, Anthony, Christian, AJ (that bastard), and I all sat down for a viewing of Transformers: The Movie and took notes. Mostly, we wrote down quotes that lend themselves well to hardcore songs. I'd tell you some of the quotes, but we don't have a finished product yet, and I don't want to spoil the surprise. Anyway, eventually the movie ended, we woke up AJ, and then headed downstairs to create music. Our recording tools are a bit limited. We used a free program for recording that we found online and a $10 computer mic. But we made it work. The only instruments we used were drums, and a bass that was tuned down to about an A (That's really low for those who don't know about boring things). So we compile our quotes, and start writing really short songs around them off the top of our heads. We also came to the conclusion that leaving the instruments to the musicians would be boring and predictable. So for each track, we switched everyone around. Anthony played drums and bass, AJ played drums and bass, Christian played drums and bass, I played drums and bass. Everyone played drums and bass. It definitely let our individual styles really shine through. And that's why all of the tracks mostly sound terrible. But it's that kind of terrible that gives it a really raw and angry sound. So it was exactly the kind of terrible we were going for. You know... For the most part. But after around 6 or 7 songs, we had to depart from our recording session, and head over to Anthony's for his little get together of other friends. And we haven't recorded since. So all of the songs are vocal-less, and we still have about a hundred more songs to record. But Anthony's get together ended up being pretty fun. I broke vegetarian at that party after a year meatless. I broke like a man, too. Kielbasa! Man, do I love the food of the Polish. Ooo! That gives me an idea. Someone who reads this should remind me to write about the best pierogies that I've ever had. It is not a story that will let anyone down. That's for sure. But anyway, I broke veg, and then the party continued. During this party, Kate and I watched Anthony's mother cook Kraft Mac & Cheese the absolute wrong way. And I think this is when we discovered that Anthony's mom can't cook. This is a fact that she will be the first to admit. I could probably write a whole entry on examples of her poor cooking. I'd have to go into Anthony's poor cooking and eating as well, but I could make it into a whole entry. I may do that. We'll see. But the rest of the party was pretty much just us hanging out. We ended up watching Kingdom of Heaven. What a terrible movie. I saw it in theatres with my friend who loves terrible movies. But yeah, I don't know why we watched it, but we did. And it still sucked. Then we watched some old sci-fi horror movie. It was called Queen of Blood or something. I don't remember. It was ridiculous and also bad. Boy, Anthony sure can throw a bad party. Like that time he had that shitty ska band play. What a bonehead. But I guess all of his parties haven't been bad. There was that one where we played kickball, and Anthony fell and scraped himself up real bad. That was fun! And that's how Anthony's birthday was spent over the summer. I'm sure we'll eventually get to finishing up all of those Transformers: The Movie tracks. Look forward to it!

Well that story was really only supposed to be about the Transformers band, but I ended up having to stretch it out into the rest of the day. My writing just isn't descriptive enough to make that afternoon into a full-fledged story. But that's fine. According to AJ, none of you can read this anyway. What a jerk! The next time I see him, I'm going to kick his dick open. Hmm... I could also probably write a whole entry on how I've seen the cocks of a whole lot of my friends. That one may have to wait until my audience is a bit more familiar with me, though. Alright, well it's late, and I'm heading to bed. I expect to find a Lawrence Arms leak waiting for me when I wake up tomorrow. Make it happen!