If peeing in your pants is cool, consider Adam Sandler not funny

So today was Face-Off Saturday. Which means that all 30 NHL teams played hockey today. So as a result, I ended up watching hockey all day. My Canucks were shut out 3-0 by the Avs, but hey, it's alright. It's not like we're not going all the way this year. So I never told you guys this, but I'm a big hockey fan. I think if I were to blame anyone for this, it would be my Uncle Mike. He is pretty big into hockey, and used to play a lot of street hockey back in the day. So he got me into hockey, but unfortunately for him, I never became a Rangers fan. I decided to go for the furthest team from the Rangers as possible. So I became a Vancouver Canucks fan. It may have been my love for Pavel Bure. I had his rookie card, and it was probably my favorite card. Yes, this was back when people cared about trading cards. But there was a little group of us on my bus in middle school that would bring our hockey cards onto the bus and just look at them for the whole ride. There was also a time when I was a big Avalanche fan, because I couldn't get over how good that team was in their day. I still think Patrick Roy was the best goalie to ever play the game. But the Canucks were always my number one team. Once every year, my mom would have a Bring Your Kid To Work Day, and I'd get to go to IBM and use her internet all day. This was before the internet was the cool, widespread thing it is today. So I'd just go on the NHL website and print out the stats of all my favorite players. I was really into hockey. One year, I even did a project on hockey for school. Now while that's not terribly interesting, for the project, I got my friends together and we played a game of roller hockey in a parking lot, and had our parents record it. For the game, my uncle let me have all of his old goalie gear. So I had some sweet leg pads, this killer face mask. It was one of the old school ones that only covered your face. It was painted in Bruins colors, and just looked pretty intense. He also gave me a goalie stick, and some hockey gloves. So I was all decked out for this game. Of course, nobody else had a cool hockey uncle, so they were lucky to have a legit hockey stick. And only about half of my friends were wearing roller blades. Hell, my friend Jamie was the other goalie, and he was wearing pillows tied around his legs. But that was sure a fun day. I think my team lost the game, but it was a great time. I wish I knew if that video was still in existence. I never ended up playing real hockey. I think my parents went to sign me up once, but it never ended up happening for some reason. I could have been a star! Oh well. No regrets, right? Right.

So it's fall, and October, and all that fun stuff now, isn't it? I'm pretty psyched about that. October is always a fun month. Connecticut is always a beautiful place to be in the fall. When the leaves really start to change colors, I want to take a drive up to Kent Falls, and chill out there all day. I'm under the assumption that it would be pretty gorgeous. So keep that in mind, friends of mine. We can have a picnic, and hold hands, and recite poetry. We can even slit our throats beneath the waterfall if imagery I don't understand from Loved Ones songs sounds like good things to do to any of you. What else happens in October? Oh yes... Halloween. I've had a couple people ask me what they should be for Halloween. I have a method for answering this question that has been nothing but effective. First, I ask them what they were for Halloween last year. Let's say they tell me they were a bat last year. So I go to Google Images and I type in the search box "What comes after bat?" Then I let Google Images tell me what the best idea would be to follow up a bat costume. It turns out, the best thing after a bat is a fox. Now this specific case came from my friend Kate. She was the bat. So I gave her my flawless advice of being a fox for Halloween. But she was not having it! She didn't even know how to make a good fox costume. So she's not going to be a fox this Halloween, and nobody is going to like whatever she does dress up as, because it's not a fox. And for anyone that was a person in a poodle skirt last year, you should be a bee this year. This was the advice I gave to my friend Shannon. She hates the color yellow. Well, I guess she hates having friends too, because nobody wants to see you as anything but a bee! Now as for me, I haven't dressed up for Halloween in several years. I think the last thing close to a costume I did was carry a globe around and call myself Atlas. One year, I just put temporary blue dye in my hair, and went from house to house telling people that I "don't normally do this." And that's how I got my candy that year. What a little asshole I was. I think that was also the last year I trick or treated. Now I just take what's left over from my house. Not that I eat all that much candy, anyway. But I think I might be doing something this year where it's encouraged that I dress up. And I really don't want to dress up, but I figure I could do something small. And I had this genius idea for a really easy costume. I wanted to essentially just wear a t-shirt that had a stick just poking out of a mud puddle, and be a stick in the mud. Because, let's face it, that's what I am, and that's also hilarious. I was hoping there would be a shirt like that somewhere online that I could just buy, but there isn't. It's really too bad. It's a completely genius idea for a t-shirt, and someone could make millions of dollars off of it. So if I find the time, I'll probably buy a cheap t-shirt, and then have my brother draw what I want on it. He's some sort of genius artist, apparently. So I should probably put him to good use. And that will be my costume for this sort of half-thing I'm doing on the day before Halloween. I don't have any actual plans for the day of Halloween, so we'll see if that day gets filled up or not.

How do you guys like computer games? I have my few games that I enjoy playing from time to time, but I don't really play any sort of video game very often. But during the summer, I would go over to my friend Anthony's house and it usually ended up with us playing Sims 3, a lot. I know. We were more or less playing a game inside when we could be out doing those things in the actual world instead of in the Sims. We're lame. So what? So is blogging, but I'm doing that too. But Anthony, Christian, and I made it into a little game. We made a house that had the three of us, and a chick. The chick we made was Zooey Deschanel, because we all pretty much agreed that she's one of the hottest chicks making cute romantic movies right now. So we had a little contest to see who could rail her first. Yes, we're pigs. That's horrible. Whatever. It was a computer game! I'm sure there's plenty of guys playing this game in real life right now. And guess what? You're probably the one they're trying to bang. But long story short; I won that game. Hell yeah! Anything's possible when you manipulate Anthony to make your character do whatever you want. I even made a proper lady out of Zooey. I married her and everything. Although, right when the wedding ceremony finished, my character pissed his pants. But I also doinked Zooey while the wedding party was going on. So just try and tell me I don't make peeing my pants seem cool. But now that I've won, Anthony has been trying to get his character to bone Christian's character for the "lulz," I guess. I feel kind of bad telling this story. It makes my friends seem like total nerds. Not to mention it makes me look like a total nerd. But whatever. Christian plays World of Warcraft, Anthony takes pictures of people who dress up like Star Wars characters, and I blog. I'm pretty sure that us being dorks was no secret.

Well, damn. This was kind of a long post. I think it might be longer than any of my other ones so far. I also probably typed it out in half the time that I normally take to type out an entry. I must be getting a hang of this blogging thing. My parents will be so proud of me! Well... unless they actually end up reading my blogs, of course. Then they might just be embarrassed. But whatever. My mom works for IBM. Nerd. And my dad is Hank Hill. Hmmm... That's actually pretty cool. Alright. Well I'm going to go stream episodes of King of the Hill online. I'll see all of you knuckleheads later. And TJ, you probably don't read this, but Happy Birthday!