The Trash. The Trash. They Pick Up The Trash.

So I was at Target a couple weeks ago with my friend Kate and her dad. We had some purpose for being there, but what I remember most is being in the part of the store with all of the groceries, and there being some fancy mac and cheeses there. I guess this particular brand is only sold at Target stores, because I had never seen them before. But when looking through them, one flavor stood out more than the rest. This was the buffalo mac and cheese. You know some crazy mother fucker came up with that flavor. I had no idea if it sounded like the best idea or the worst idea ever. That's a lie. It was clearly the best idea ever, but whether or not the end product tastes any good was very unclear to me. I tried to convince Kate to buy it, because she only eats peanut butter & jelly at school, and she's sick of it. I never want to get to a point where I'm sick of a good pb&j. That'd probably be the saddest day of my life. But anyway, she didn't end up getting it even though she really wanted to. And I didn't end up getting it even though I really wanted to. Then we went on with our lives from there. Fast forward to tonight. I'm out with my family, and we head to Target, because my brother needed to get a yellow shirt for the gang he just joined. I took this opportunity to tell my mom about these fancy macs. She was intrigued, so I convinced her to purchase a couple of them, and of course, I got my buffalo mac and cheese. Hmmm... I feel kind of bad telling this story now, because I haven't eaten it yet. So I can't tell you guys how great or not great it is. I apologize for that. But rest assured that once I do eat it, you guys will be the first to know how it is. I also picked up the new 6th book in the Hitchhiker's Guide series. Now I don't know how I feel about there being a 6th book that's not written by Douglas Adams, but I'm definitely willing to give it a try. Of course, I probably won't read it until after I read the first five again for the 4th time. I'll let you know about that, as well. Just a lot longer from now than it'll take to eat some mac and cheese.

But in the meantime I'll tell you all how I feel about every roller coaster at Six Flags: Great Adventure in New Jersey. Christian, Kate, and I went there this past summer, because we had gone to Quassy Amusement Park earlier in the summer, and needed something to make up for that. So we headed down to Jersey to have a killer time at Six Flags. And it was a killer time. We hit every roller coaster in the park aside from Kingda Ka, because it was closed, and Skull Mountain, because it's probably boring. But I'm going to tell you all about my feelings on each of the rides we did go on. And I'm going to do it all in list form so it looks like this entry is longer than it is.

Superman: Ultimate Flight - This was the coaster we went on first. It was actually going to be my first time being inverted on a roller coaster. This was from a lack of really going to amusement parks, and having a stomach ache when I went to Lake Compounce years ago, and all my friends wanted to go on Zoomerang. So we waited in line for a little over an hour, and then we finally got on the ride. Now this ride's claim to fame is that you are sitting horizontally in your seat, hanging towards the ground. You know, how Superman flies. Well this turned out to be pretty dumb. The man who yelled down to the line while we were waiting saying "Stay in line! It's worth it!" was a fucking liar! And what did he know, anyway? He had just started moving on the ride! Well we waited in line as per that dumb man's instructions only to be sorely let down. Being horizontal is not enough of a gimmick to save that ride from being boring. And honestly, the inversion while hanging wasn't so much fun as it was painful. What a dumb introduction to inverted roller coasters.

Great American Scream Machine - This ride was up next. It had a much shorter line, and was a much better ride. It definitely was a lot more fun than Superman. But I guess I didn't really fit that well into it, because I end up banging my knee quite a bit on the ride. It also gave me some good inversions, that I wasn't getting from Superman. That's right! The Man of Steel is all talk! He doesn't live up to the hype! He can be outdone by some roller coaster with no line that isn't even associated with a brand! Great coaster. Would ride again.

Rolling Thunder - Now we're getting to my territory. I've always loved wooden roller coasters. They just end up leaving me more thrilled than any steel coaster ever has. I guess it's just the fear of being on something that looks, feels, and sounds like it will fall apart at any minute. Now Rolling Thunder wasn't nearly the best wooden coaster I've been on, but it definitely did not disappoint. A quality ride, for sure.

Runaway Mine Train - El Toro would have been next up, but it had a pretty wicked line going on, so we figured we'd come back later. So we made our way to the Runaway Mine Train. Now this coaster is definitely more for the younger park-goers, but nobody's as young at heart as Christian, Kate, and myself. So we gave it a shot, and it was a pretty good ride. Nothing too exciting, but it was fun. Plus, the girl running the ride would say "Toot! Toot!" or "Choo! Choo!" every time she sent the train off. It was pretty great. Good coaster.

Log Flume - The line for Bizarro was also ridiculous, so we thought we'd take this time to cool off. What a dumb idea. The line for the log flume ride was probably just as ridiculous as Bizarro, except more condensed, and underneath a low roof. So it was probably ten times as hot in line for this dumb flume as it was anywhere else in the park. We waited for probably over two hours, just so we could get wet. Granted, it did feel pretty good to get wet, but definitely not worth the torture beforehand. Plus, Kate wasn't psyched on getting wet at all. So there wasn't any payoff for her, at all.

El Toro - I believe this is when we went back to El Toro and decided to hang in the line. And I'm really glad we did. Here's the story, folks. El Toro is the best wooden roller coaster I've ever been on. Therefore, it is the best roller coaster I've ever been on. And it was so far ahead of any other coaster I've ever been on, that I firmly believe that it's just the best coaster ever. El Toro is fast. It has some of the most intense drops, and some real tight turns. It is just a quality ride all around, and I probably would have been happy just going on that ride over and over my whole time at Six Flags. Do yourself a favor, readers. Ride El Toro as much as possible. You'll thank me for it, without a doubt.

Nitro - This is about the time that we headed over to the other side of the park. And our first stop there was Nitro. Now Nitro has a pretty damn big drop. It feels like the car climbs up forever. But then you finally get to the top, and then you drop down a very long way. And I was pretty pumped up for this big drop, but honestly, as high as it was, I didn't get the same feeling of intensity as I did from much smaller, but faster drops like on El Toro. It was definitely enjoyable, but I really thought a bigger drop like that would impress me more. Oh well. It's hard to live up to El Toro. But overall, it was a good ride.

Batman the Ride - Batman was next. This ride was dumb. First of all, unless you're in the front, you don't see anything going on, because the seat in front of you is blocking everything. And second of all, this ride jerks you around too much. Every corkscrew just ended up hurting my legs. I was glad the ride only lasted about 20 seconds, because I was bored and hurting the whole time. Bad.

The Dark Knight Coaster - I guess we figured there couldn't be two bad Batman rides in one theme park, so we took a stab at the Dark Knight Coaster. Indoor coasters, man. Maybe there's a way to do them right, but it's definitely not that way. This was one of those coasters that likes to whip you around tight turns so that your neck breaks. Also, there were not many times where I didn't feel like I was going to get my head chopped off by some part of the track right in my face. You know those pictures they snap of you that you can buy at the end of the ride? I was not in the picture, because I was ducking for fear of losing my head. What a dumb fucking ride. Batman is stupid now, and it's all Six Flags' fault! I guess the ride was intended more for kids, but the Runaway Mine Train was for kids, and I had a great time on that! Toot! Toot!

Bizarro - It was getting close to closing time, so we figured we'd try and hit up Bizarro before they started kicking us out. We had to barrel through the glow in the dark parade that was going on, and I may have ruined Bugs Bunny for some young children, but we made it to Bizarro, and caught a real short line. And I'm glad we did, because Bizarro was a great coaster. It likes to toot it's own horn a bit. It calls itself an "extreme multi-sensory experience," which essentially means that Bizarro is yelling in your ear the whole time, you go through some mist, and then fire shoots at you. These are all pretty cool things, for sure. But really, Bizarro? You sure think highly of yourself, don't you? But either way, Bizarro has himself a great ride. It was the second best coaster in the park, hands down.

El Toro pt. 2 - We got off Bizarro and figured we'd try to sneak in another ride on the best coaster of all, El Toro. So we're waiting in line, and they start shooting off fireworks. Apparently, the day we decided to go is the same day the park decided to preview their fireworks display. And there was just something magical about going on my favorite coaster with my favorite people at night with fireworks going off in the sky. It's truly something straight out of a movie. We were also the third to last coaster sent around before they closed the rides down. So we were just in time to experience that wondrous event. We even ended up grabbing the picture the ride took of us from that. Christian pretended to sleep, I made a goofy face, and Kate looked as happy as she could possibly be. Christian and I are hilarious.

So now you all know the cool way to have fun at Six Flags: Great Adventure. It makes me feel good inside to know that I can bring such great joy to my readers. I just want you all to know that I love each and every one of you. Without each and every one of you, I'd just be talking to myself. Which I do. But I can't do that all the time! You know? Well I'm going to go discuss the musical merit of bands that write songs about hotdogs in the rain. Reindeer Nuts isn't an actual ice cream flavor. Bye!