I ain't afraid of nothin'! I ain't even afraid of the devil! I am the devil!

So in breaking news, there was an armed robbery in a dorm at the school that I still go to for less than a week. I always told people that dorm life at WCSU sucks, but nobody ever listens to me. But it just goes to show you. If you don't listen to me, you'll be robbed at gunpoint in the very place that you rest your head every night. Oh, and just to clarify, there were no injuries, so I am good to go on whatever hilarious jokes I can come up with. Let's talk about this dumb robber, though. Who the fuck robs a bunch of poor college kids? Sure, we're in the richest county in the United States, but college kids are still poor. I guess the robber could have made off with a small fortune in empty Keystone Light cans, but it sounds kind of fishy to me. Dumb robber robbing dumb kids. Whatever. Glad I quit dorming at WCSU. At least the robber had the decency to not shit in the sink. Man, nobody had it worse than me while dorming. Shit sinks, pube toilets, bloody vomit, loud dumb kids, loud dumb kids with guitars. I guess that's all just part of the college experience, but it was pretty lame. Good thing I took 3 years to do something about that.

Speaking of horrible experiences, did anyone catch the season finale of Top Chef last night? Fuck, man. Michael? Really?! Let alone the fact that my boy Kevin was the clear winner, you couldn't at least go with the Volt bro that I didn't hate? Michael was just fucking annoying, and a two-faced little punk to boot. Sure, I guess this wasn't a personality contest, but Michael can't even cook a tiny cake. What a dipshit! If you had to go with a Voltagio brother, Brian was the clear choice. Not only does he seem like a much cooler guy in general, but he consistently cooked much better than his brother throughout the whole series. But that's just if we had to pick one of the brothers. Kevin was the one who should have taken the whole thing. I just really want to hang out with Kevin. He seems like such a cool guy, and he could cook me delicious food, too. He even won the Viewer's Poll for who should be the winner. He had 58% of the vote! He's the people's chef! There's no denying it. But fuckin' Michael, man. Worst outcome ever. I just wanted to knock the stupid fucking backwards hat off his dumb head. He looked like some sort of Offspring superfan. Fucking dork.

To cool myself down after that incident, I watched my recording of Man Vs Food: Rutgers. It really made me want to visit Kate all the time, if only for meals. They had this fantastic looking Stromboli place, that I really wanted to try. The host kept calling it a "'boli" though, and I wanted to punch him right in the face. I fucking hate Adam. Oh, and if I wasn't already riled up enough from stupid Top Chef, my recording started skipping, and if it didn't end up fixing itself, I would have flipped the fuck out. But it did, so I continued watching the stupid fat guy on the show I love. Then he did the challenge at the R U Hungry Grease Truck where he had to eat 5 huge sandwiches in 45 minutes. He couldn't do it, though. He was too busy talking about lame things, and playing up the drama that he couldn't nail his fifth sandwich before time ran out. And he lost on a veggie burger. What a complete failure. Also, Rutgers seems to be filled with a lot of tools. Or maybe that's just college. But either way, I want to go to Rutgers and eat all the time. Make it happen, Kate!

You know what else pissed me off yesterday? My Lawrence Arms 10th Anniversary hoodie seemed to have sprouted a small hole in it. I have no idea how it happened, or when it happened, but it only added to my disdain for Wednesday night. Sure, it's an easy patch, but I'm not happy that it got a hole in it in the first place. That hoodie was a gift! Kate, out of the kindness of her heart, got it for me when she went to The Lawrence Arms' 10th Anniversary show. And now I have to have her sew it up for me? That doesn't show very much appreciation! I look like some sort of jerk now! Kate probably hates me or something! I don't know. It wouldn't be a big surprise, considering how everything else bad happened to me last night. Jeeze! Nobody has ever had it worse than me! Not in the first world! Not in the third! Not in any!

I also had that doctor's appointment yesterday. Remember?! Well that went pretty well. Apparently, I'm 6'3" and 156lbs. Haven't changed in height or weight since my last physical, which was back in 2005. I'm awesome. When he asked me if there was any things I'd like to discuss with him, I mentioned my gross hands. You see, I have very clammy hands. They're either cold and wet, or hot and sweaty all the time. They're very infrequently pleasant. So I mentioned this to him, and he started talking to me about football. It was ridiculous. He tried to relate it to my issue, but he was really just talking about football, and mentioning the hand warmers they use on the sidelines. Well needless to say, he didn't help me out at all with that issue, so I guess I'm stuck with gross hands. Sorry, Kate!

Thank goodness today went off without a hitch, though. Right? What a swell day. Sure, I did some hard working today at the ol' job, but I don't actually mind keeping busy at work. Plus, all of my coworkers kept it fun. My boss and I did some yelling back and forth, but it was all in good fun. At least I think so. Who knows what she thinks. But I also got to go to Elmer's Diner for dinner. There I got to satiate the craving I've been having for pancakes, lately. Got some banana pancakes with real maple syrup and a side of home fries. Chocolate milk to drink. You can accuse me of being a little kid all you want, but I think we both know that a kid wouldn't order real maple syrup. They'd get that fake crap. No thanks to that, man! Also, the Canucks won today! And my boy Rick Rypien beat up another guy much bigger than him. His little protege, Tanner Glass got into a scrap too. He's coming along great as a fighter. Oh well. I think I'm going to end this here. And what better note to end you on than a happy one? Cool! Bye!